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The Sky's Crack 2

Not quite as happy with this segment, but onward I go writing! ^.~

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The Lovely School Psychologist speaking here: by this point, if you're still able to read this, you're an authorized reader. Hee. Enjoy the diary excerpts!

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4/13/XX
Hello, diary.

Today I told Jon.

Jon's this freckled redhead who just likes hanging around us while staring off into the distance daydreaming. Or he reads books while we're talking.

He blinked. "Huh. Interesting."

I waited while he stared off in a reverie. Finally, he said in his slow monotone, "I've had a strange feeling about that school psychologist. Though I didn't notice the black eyes."

I said, "Strange feeling?"

He nodded. "Like I'm wrapped in warm cotton."

"Well, I'm staying the hell away from her, and if you get that feeling, it means she's doing something to you, so it's probably a good idea for you to stay away, too."

Another nod. "Okay." He went back to reading his book.

After that, well. I thought long and hard about telling my mom. I've told her some stuff, like about wanting to be an angel, and about Jenna. This was after she'd gave me a speech about how she approved of me taking my time about dating a boy instead of rushing into it, since women don't need to obey the pressure to become accessories to men. Oh, yeah, and that I should make sure I get what I want out of any relationship I do get into with men and dump them if they aren't giving me it, though of course it's a reciprocal relationship--but only if they're worthy men. Pathetic losers deserve to be exploited.

Yes, my mom really said that.

After all that spiel, I explained to her about me and Jenna. At that point, she went, "Ah. Well, what I've told you is still true for dating women," and went back to chopping dinner.

Mom's... Mom. She's always claimed to be an immigrant from the Czech Republic, but someone actually from there talked to her for a while and then called her on it, and she admitted she was lying with a laugh. She laughs a lot. She even has a laugh like an anime villain when she thinks something's especially hilarious. Kwahahaha and all.

I'm kind of afraid of what my mom might do if I told her. Anything from her getting into a fight with the school shrink to the two of them really hitting it off. Mom's embarrassing like that.

Today she wasn't home anyway. Left a note saying that she needed to be out for a while and dinner's in the fridge.

Ugh. Wish Kevin and Maggie were here today. They're both in the hospital for a few days. Maggie got the idea to try some stupid stunt, and Kevin went along cheerfully.

You know, sometimes I don't feel worthy to be an angel.

I'm afraid of becoming like my mother. Today, I made a boy cry.

Some junior year guy. He got the bright idea to pick on me. I tried being nice and all, asking him to please stop. Seems like he thought that made me a pushover, so he just began shoving me harder and talking crap, until all the patience and forbearance I've been trying to build up snapped and I pushed his face into the wall until his nose was bleeding and he was crying. I caught myself grinning.

That was fun. I don't like that side of me. It feels all wrong, like it's out of sync with the rest of me.

I get called Angel Girl, usually sarcastically, after what I said in the future career school introduction crap years back. But they also call me Devil Girl. I've heard the joke name for my group of friends, too. The Hell's Angels.

That boy who I impressed with the flip is the only bully still willing to approach me.

Really, my friends'd make better angels. Even Jenna.

Ah, what the hell am I writing here? Mom'd laugh at me for whining like this. I will become an angel, I will overcome this part of me.

I got sent to the school shrink again by the way. She said, "I'll tell them a lie," and let me go without having the talk she was supposed to about the fight. I'm sure she's just trying to score points with me after yesterday